Recognizing Surviving Parents

Mother’s Day has just passed and Father’s Day is not far behind. These are great holidays for our society to celebrate parenthood, and for children to show their gratitude to their parents. And yet, these holidays can be extremely difficult times for parents who have lost their children to suicide. The loss of a child violates the natural order we understand—that we should be buried by our children, not the other way around.
A surviving mom might feel that she wants to find a place to hide from the rest of the world on Mother’s Day. She doesn’t want to feel like an unwelcome intrusion to all those around her eagerly anticipating what, to them, is a happy, special occasion. A surviving dad finds friends and co-workers may avoid talking about Father’s Day or their own plans, probably because they don’t know what to say. Losing a child to suicide is one of the most painful, life-changing experiences for so many. They have endured the pain in silence and searched for answers that may never come.

The loss of a child by suicide does not mean that mothers and fathers are no longer parents if they’ve lost their only child, or only parents to their remaining children. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a noted grief educator and author says, “Death ends a life, not a relationship.” Whatever has happened to that life, the love lives on and parents have the right to acknowledge that they did the very best they could before the suicide and continue to love that child following their death.

It can be helpful to focus on Mother’s and Father’s Days that were filled with special memories. Other parents choose to focus on mental images of their child as they were as little ones and think about those pleasant bygone days as they observe those occasions.

One of the biggest worries that survivor parents have is that their children will be forgotten. It’s important that we acknowledge those lives and support those parents who may be feeling their loss especially deeply on those days.

At the Helpline Center, we acknowledge the sacrifices you made for your child. We appreciate the beautiful lives you created and know that they are all unique and unforgotten. Celebrate those lives, and yours, and know that we are here for you now and always as you continue your healing.